Hey mamas, sisters, and friends! This post goes out to all the mamas whoever felt lonely in motherhood. I used to be that mom.
When you become a mama, it’s the most beautiful thing! Any mother will tell you that–but as a first time mom, or maybe a mom who has moved to a new place, things can sometimes get lonely. I experienced a loss of friends when I had our first born child three and half years ago. My husband and I didn’t have many friends (excluding family), who were in the same season as us. When you have a child, the people who are in your life without children aren’t experiencing the same lifestyle as you anymore. This was a major wake-up to me after I had our daughter; however, I didn’t let it negatively affect me. I’m a growth mindset kind of gal, so I knew I wanted a remedy to the lack-of-friends problem. This leads us to step number one:
1. Acknowledge the loss/lack of involvement you had with prior friends
This may be hard to do–especially if you were really close these people. Acknowledging that your friendship isn’t the same as it used to be is necessary to moving forward. This doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be close with these people. It may just be a change of seasons where you become a mom, and then a couple years later when that friend goes through the same season and you will reconnect. Regardless of how things turn out, you need to acknowledge that things aren’t going to be the same–and you’re probably going to be on the side that feels more of a loss. I know it sounds funny, since you’re a mother now! But with motherhood, we make sacrifices for our children and family–it may just come with a compromise on your previous friendships (this can also happen with your spouse when you get married…can I get amen from anyone? 😂)
2. Get connected in your church
After you have your wonderful child, or you’ve moved to a new city, you need to get connected in your church. This probably won’t happen right away if you’re in the postpartum season with a newborn (unless you were already a part of a small group–but then if that was the case, you probably already have friends!) Church is going to be the best way to grow new friendships with like-minded mothers in your current season. The body of Christ is a wonderful thing–and God led my husband and I to new friendships this way. If you are going to a church that doesn’t have small groups or hardly any younger moms in the season that you’re in, then I’d highly suggest finding a new church. Church is going to be the place to start making new friendships.
3. Pray for new friends who are in the season of life you’re in!
This may seem trivial to the nominal Christian, but there is power in prayer! Once you’ve got connected in your church, then pray to God that He will lead you to the right people. Once again, my husband and I are a testimony to this. I specifically remember praying over the course of a couple months for God to lead us to a good friend group in our local church. We had just had our second daughter, and we both were craving more of a connection with people in our church. Several months later, one small group connection led me to another and yet another… and for the last year and a half I have met and grown friendships with some of the best people. We went to a Couple’s Connect group in August two years ago, then joined a small married group in September/October, and someone from that group led me to the small bible study group I’m currently in today! Pray, pray, and pray some more! God hears prayers and will answer them: yes, no, or not right now. Thank you, Lord!
This post might’ve been basic knowledge for many of us, but for the mama who is in the thick of it right now–I want to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Friendships will come and go, but the Lord will be my Rock forever. Trust in the Lord as you go through this new season as a first time mama who doesn’t feel like she has a friend group anymore. Or the mom who moved to the new city and has to start all over–God is with you, sister. Have a growth mindset to stay positive through the valleys…because when you make it to the mountain top, your rejoicing will be all the more sweet. Take heart where you and even if you feel lonely, remember that Jesus is just a prayer away.
Be blessed mamas, sisters, and friends!
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